I came across Mike and Lin’s blog posting about l Single Men In Naturism, and it sparked a bit of thought deep in my mind. I debated on leaving a comment on their website, but I was afraid it would be too long, and decided an actual blog post would give me a better avenue voice my opinion. I will post a brief comment of this post to their website.
I have been brooding over this topic for well over a week, and I have a few thoughts on the subject that I hope will be of interest. Maybe it will spark some debate and force others to think on the subject as well. Personally, I strive to be all inclusive to everyone. As a parent of a special needs child, I see exclusion almost everyday with my child, it can sometimes be heartbreaking. This pattern of human behavior can and does follow us into adulthood where we tend to ostracize what we don’t understand or what makes feel uncomfortable.
I Just Don’t Understand Nudist
Nudist are a community of people much like an artist, engineer, religious follower, hacker, or Comic-Con attendee, and we may not understand what those communities do or why, but we respect they exist. Unlike nudist, when you do a search of these topics or communities, you are able to find an insurmountable amount of information about them, what they are about, beliefs or code, and how you can join one of these communities. So what happens when you type in a nudist term into your search engine? Well, I typed the term nudism into Google, Bing, Yahoo, and DuckDuckgo and here is what was returned to me.
After taking a look at the search results, one can be led into false conclusions about nudism and what it really stands for. Bing was the ONLY search engine who had a result on the side linking to AANR, but this was overran with search results using nudism as a term linking to young nudist girls pictures and videos. Herein lies a major problem my friends. Depending on the term used to search will drastically change what your results are. This can create a lot of confusion for someone trying to learn about the nudist way of life. If I was ignorant on what nudist are and their way of life, and I came across search results sexualizing young adult females, then I would be extremely turned off about the possibilities of doing it. For a woman, you immediately begin to have fears of an abundance of inappropriate attempts to “hook-up” while trying it out. There may be a large number of women out there who actually do practice nudism at home or with a small intimate number of people, but trying to convince a woman who has never participated in social nudism will be a major, if not impossible, task to overcome. There’s just too much fear given how sexualized women are on the internet. It’s impossible to understand nudist if you can’t find the right information, or trust the information you are given.
It’s a Little Uncomfortable
As I mentioned before, I have a special needs daughter who is one of the most loving and empathetic persons you’ll ever meet. However, she is quite different than your “normal” child, but still very much the same. She can’t speak like you or I, but she’s very social and likes to just be with other kids. Sadly, some kids don’t want to include her in certain things despite her burning desire to play and be involved. She is unable to entertain herself and it takes interaction from others for her to not feel bored. Unfortunately, the plain and simple fact is that it’s too much work for some, and they’d rather run and hide so they won’t have to engage or help her play. A few others just don’t feel comfortable with her around at all, and make it out like she has some communicable disease. Thankfully, most kids and parents are welcoming and understanding, and willing to chip in so she feels some inclusion. Like the old saying goes “it takes a village to raise a child.”
Where am I going with this? Let’s dive into my analogy, shall we? It’s no secret that men are more willing and susceptible to go naked at almost any time. It seems men worry less about their appearance, have little fear of anything bad, or maybe they are used to it from the military, gym and athletics, or other avenue where you’re required to get naked or shower with a group. As one may infer from such stereotype, men would be much more willing to research and try nudism, and from my social media interactions, a lot of men want to live a naked life, and will do so with or without their partners participation. I think it is good that we have people interested in joining our way of life, but I fear that nudism is a means to an end for a small number of male participants. This perpetuates the stereotype.
Humans are natural sinners and perverts…yes, men and women. I have seen and know some pretty dirty minded women as well, so not all pristine and pure. I get a lot of interactions from people from all around the world. Most of you are very good people, are experienced nudist or just beginning and genuine, but some are only around to see what they can get out of nudists. It’s a self serving purpose, and, yes, the majority of that small population is men. Although I have a lot of male followers, and my blog is 60% male followers, I do not block or say they cannot be part of it. I know, you’re thinking “yes, Alexis, but you’re talking about cyberspace and not ‘real’ people here.” That is true. It is much safer behind a keyboard, but that wouldn’t change my mind any. You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable, grab the bull by the horns, and address or take care of the issue at hand. If I have any problems with someone online, I simply remove them and don’t let them back, but I DO NOT perform a blanket block/delete.
It’s Too Much Work
Oh yes, it can be a lot of work and make anyone very uncomfortable to address any issue. We are compassionate beings and try to avoid any type of confrontation. This is the approach that some places are taking. Rather than addressing the perpetrator(s) and risk causing a scene, the clubs/resorts have a few tools in their toolbox.
- Deny access to the facility for single men who do not belong to a nudist organization (AANR, TNS, etc)
- Deny access to all single men regardless of any nudist affiliation
- Charge single me a fee, tax, surcharge, or some other higher amount than women, couples, or families
This type of blanket exclusion or separate set of standards just doesn’t sit well with me. I guess I see it like me owning a business and not serving you because you’re black, Hispanic, disabled, LGTBQ, or some other status that you cannot help. Needless to say I would get a lot of backlash, and quite possibly lose my business. It just doesn’t seem fair and avoiding the issue is much simpler than facing it head on.
(Some) Men are Part of the Problem
If you’re a full time card carrying (AANR, TNS, etc) nudist, this section won’t really apply to you. You’re already doing it right.
If you are a single woman (hell, even if you’re not single) chances are you’re going to be hit on, cat called, or some form of attention brought to you at some point in your life. I see a number of men (sometimes a group of men) hovering around a female who is single, and sometimes it can be a little intimidating because you don’t really know that person or what they may be thinking. I see this quite often on social media too and get tons of guys hitting me up, sending me dick pics, and some have even went as far as sending pics of their wife in hopes I would take the bait to start engaging. I have no problem in chatting with someone, but I’m not going to feed into some fetish or allow anyone to deceive me.
Let’s say you are a single man of any age, religion, color, etc, and you are interested in nudism, then like anyone with an interest you’re going to start researching the views and beliefs. Maybe you’ll do an image search to see what nudist do, but like mentioned above, search engines can provide you with a lot of false information that nudism is overflowing with naked women all the time. You see sites showing videos and pics at nude beaches, or other “nudist” venues, and pretty soon you begin to think “I would love to have a nudist wife/girlfriend/lover”. What could be better than having my woman naked all the time? It’s a pretty tempting thought, isn’t it? Here is where the thought process tends to go wrong. YOU ARE EXTREMELY UNLIKELY TO FIND A NUDIST MATE. Most of the time you will end up “converting”…That kind of sounds like coercing someone to join a cult…or at least opening your partner to the idea of nudism. You’re much more likely to succeed by finding a woman who trusts you, is open minded enough, and (here’s the kicker) confident enough in herself to at least give it a try. This is honestly your best option if you want to nudist partner, and you’re not going to find it on some garbage “nudist dating, nudist friends, nudist whatever” social site. If you do or have, then I congratulate you because you are the exception.
The main point I am trying to make is manage your expectations. Don’t look at nudism as a way to find a naked partner, but as a way to release yourself from the societal restrictions of the textile world. Nudism is here for your personal health and growth, and not a way to stimulate your eyes being surrounded by naked women. That’s more like a fetish and kinda creepy.
If you are true to your heart and genuinely desire to live a nudist life, then having a nudist partner should be irrelevant, and you should work to get yourself into the lifestyle. Here’s the approach I would take if I was looking to get into an authentic social nudity club.
- Find a local nudist club in your area. They are out there.
- Find a nudist man to befriend get his advice and sponsorship
- Join a nudist society like AANR, TNS, or similar
- Start a blog talking about your journey
- Be open about it. People are more comfortable if you’re open
The goal is to legitimize your intent, and if you can build trust among a local group of naturist, then you will have built solid friendships and be part of a small group of genuine nudist.
Women are a Problem too?
I don’t think women are “a” or “the” problem by any stretch of the imagination, but I think at times we can feed the machine. Now, I cant’ speak for all women, but I can at least share my perspective on the situation. I know it can and is a problem that all parties want to avoid, and the solution is not always black and white. First, we cannot allow ourselves to be put into the group of “victimized” women, and be forced to shy away or avoid something that we enjoy or are very curious about exploring. To me, that pretty much shows a certain level of defeat if you feel that you cannot participate in something you enjoy because of some level of fear that you may or may not have an uncomfortable encounter with a male. Unfortunately, uncomfortable encounters with men are going to happen whether your clothed or naked, but if it happens while you are nude I know it brings a whole new level of uncomfortable. There you are, vulnerable is all of your glory, and it doesn’t take much for you to feel more like an object than a person. Personally, if you’re new, relatively new, or just learning about nudism, I would avoid any public nude venue where people are allowed to roam freely and unchecked. Nude beaches or festivals being two of them. These tend to harbor voyeurs and other types of creeps, and would not be the best place for you to start a nudist journey. You are certain to be scared away. A much more private venue would be best. Like I told the men in the above section, find a local club and reach out to them about participation. Having a small, intimate group of people you trust close to where you live can be a major stepping stone to overcoming the initial fear.
The culture and society of nudism is in need of women who are adventurous and open minded enough to at least try it. Many resorts and clubs are faced with the dilemma of how to make it fair for everyone to participate and feel comfortable in a full nude setting. The only way for nudism to truly thrive is to have fair mix of all ages, sexes, and genders to participate. The more balanced we are as a group, the less uncomfortable we will become. I equate it to going to a party. If you were to go to a regular party, and you were the only one there of the opposite sex (male or female), then chances are you would most likely be fairly uncomfortable. However, if this same party had a mix of people there, say 50/50 or 60/40, then your comfort level would be quite a bit better. I can say with almost 100% certainty that you will not experience any issues at all if you visit an authentic and landed naturist club/resort. If you want to experience a larger, well established nudist club/resort, then AANR has a full list of affiliated clubs on their website that you can research and call the club directly to talk to them. Women are always welcome because it helps keep their numbers balanced.
Similar to the men, your goal is to legitimize your intent and desire to be an authentic nudist, you want the ability to do that without any kind of fear or anxiety. I encourage you to use the bullet points for the men to help guide you. If you’re able to find a small group of nudist to get close to, they can help you along your journey and make you feel comfortable being around nudist men.
Clubs Have the Greatest Opportunity
I have not researched a large amount of clubs or resorts, but what few I have talked to basically struggle with a large single male interest. Clubs and resorts have one purpose…to make money. It is a business that provides for their families and the families of the employees, and the only way to do that is to make money. Therefore, clubs require people to attend and give them money. So what happens if you allow the club to not have rules and standards? It can lead to good members going elsewhere. Sadly, a majority of the clubs I have talked to are ‘forced’ to have strict rules and exclusions, and some don’t care who you are or what your background is. If you’re a ‘single’ (as in attending alone regardless of marital status), then you are absolutely denied access to any facilities. I do understand the reasons behind this, and I think it is good that we keep the perverts and impure out, but having a blanket statement of DENIED essentially discriminates and turns away a paying customer. I have been pondering this problem for quite a while, and I have a few suggestions for any club owner/operators out there to help be more inclusive.
Some clubs do this already and I applaud them for the effort. Basically, anyone wishing to visit the grounds of your club should require a sponsor. This includes males or females. For males, it helps legitimize their intent and gives them supervision while visiting. This can be an opportunity for the visitor to be educated on the club rules, expectations, events, and what nudist are truly about. For females, it can be provide a similar opportunity, but the biggest opportunity is to help her feel welcome, safe, and respected. Personally, I would advertise this on your website and provide dates and times where you can provide a sponsor if the visitor does not have one.
Hold a Visitors Event/Banquet
As nudist we want to share our lifestyle and encourage others to experience it as well. There are many mental and physical benefits to being nude. Holding a visitors banquet can be one way to drum up business and promote nudism to a larger group of people. Promote the event as a clothed event and limit it to maybe 10-20 of each sex, or a certain number of couples, and ensure that no one will be naked during the event. This will help limit creepers hoping to catch an eyeful, and can open the door to otherwise excluded or apprehensive new members. It’s a way to publicly educate and promote, and you can charge a small fee to fund the project.
Hold a Ladies Day/Night
You see this all the time in textile bars and clubs, and it usually ends with great success. The only caveat is everyone is clothed. Having a ladies day/night at least once a month can provide an opportunity to expose an otherwise reluctant female to the safety of your club, and it can serve as a way for females to see that nudist are real people and not some fabricated illusion advertisers throw at us by using models. This venue can be clothing optional for the new female guest, and you can provide a staff sponsor or another member willing to help out. I would probably still allow couples to attend so new visitors witness what an authentic nudist should be. If it were my establishment I would lean toward no grounds fees, or, at the least, discounted fees to help entice. I mean, women are thrifty individuals. 😁
I think this post has went on forever, and if you’ve made it this far I congratulate you. As you can see I had a lot to say on the topic, and could probably talk more on it. Discrimination among our society in general is still found in various parts, but we as nudist are a small community and rely on newcomers to keep us going. Excluding those who are genuine and wish to participate makes us look like you have to meet a certain criteria to join us, and if you don’t meet that criteria then it’s just tough. Just like the people surrounding my special needs daughter have to do more, we should be proud to step up and do more on our part to help fix the situation, and not just ignore it in hopes someone else will fix it. Like I said earlier, it takes a village…